WEEK 14 PEER REVIEW for fifth student kim min jeong and sixth student Kim Bo Yeong

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
.....(for 5,6)4points, In my opnion, she did her best to write it and her performance is logical and convinving. However, I am not good evaluater. so I can't give her full point in that there could be flaw that I didn't find.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
......(for 5,6)I can't give her an advice. If I can give an advice, I could wirte my draft much better. However she wrote with uneven point(9~13?). Her draft would better if she make point even. If she make the gap between introduction and main thesis more natural, her essay would be better. 

(for 5)She wrote with classical argument and logical thesis.
I thinik Her have many positive things in writing.
She seems to be a writer who brainstorm whole essay before write first paragraph.

However, I think she can wirte better than now.

(for 6) She have positive point in wiriting as a skillful writer.
Her text is very clear. She can write very naturally.
I think her literature sense is most strong point in her essay.

WEEK 13- SECOND DRAFT

   Have you ever played the video game(either online game or console game)? In my guess, you and all of your neighbors have ever played the video game even one times. As technology is developing, gaming is more general among modern people. The number of people who enjoy playing video game is skyrocketing. Thus , some people's view of playing game is transforming very radically. It means that, however, some people still stick in the past. Because of differences among them, E-sport(defining playing game as a sport) become a conversation topic in that whether it is the real sport or just playing video game. Thus I suggest a topic that E-sport should be regarded a real sport?

   E-sport is defined as a competition that divide victory or defeat through playing game. E-sport has been discussed whether it is the sport. As time goes on, however, playing video game is more and more acknowledged as a sport. The perception of a game is changed as upheaval toward to progression.

   E-sports competitions are begun to rev up all of the world. For example, Starcraft has widened their popularity from 15 years ago. And now League of legend, World of tank or, etc has also widened. Although these are more general, some people still stick in the past thought. However, this people would be just regarded stereotyped people. Even, in Korea, E-sports is confirmed a formal subject of 95th national sports festival. I argue that E-sport should be considered as a real sport.

   First, E-sport is a virtual sport.

Some people define sport as a competition that divide victory or defeat by physical ability so they argue that the e-sport is not real sport. However, e-sport is virtual sport that contain physical things such as sight, insight and concentration). Among people, Sports have been turned into the game like screen golf because modern people can't play sports under constraints of space. However, by participating in e-sports, we can play sport indirectly. It can do the role of sport for modern people. Even, they would prefer e-sport than the real sport. E-sport is virtual sport that can be enough to play a role of sports.

   Second, E-sport needs physical ability.

Some people say that the sport have to contain physical competition, and e-sport is not sufficient in this condition. However, e-sport is essential physical ability such as deft finger, accurate judgement, and high concentration. To be good at e-sport, players have to have these abilities. E-sport is just not necessary physical contacting to opponent. E-sport is also physical competition. Although shooting is not necessary physical contaction to opponent, shooting is a formal subject of Olympic, that means world sports festival. In my opinion, between e-sport and shooting, there isn't difference in that these also divide victory or defeat through deft finger and high concentration.

   Third, E-sport is already organized through formal worldwide institution.

Some people say that a qualification of sport is stable representative institution which can manage the sport for players. However, E-sport already have stable worldwide representative institution that have branches from Asia to Europe. There are already festival which aim to people around the world. But then, there are sports that don't have stable association, although these participate in Olympic.

A lot of sports shrink into comparative insignificance to e-sport. E-sport is more suitable to called nice sport than other sports. Like this, E-sport has qualifications of being sport. For these reasons, E-sport should be considered as a real sport.

Although most people begin regarding e-sport as a real sport, there are still some people who discuss that it is not sport. As I told, this discussion has lots of logical flaws. Though e-sport has qualification of sport, they seem to be people who can't understand this logic. Thus, I would show some examples. At first, Shooting is sport that is a formal subject of Olympic although it has many somethings in common to e-sport. This sports require deft finger and high concentration. Actually there are many sport which require this physical ability. Baseball is similar sport in that they require not direct physical contaction, but ability of pitching and hitting. Pitching and hitting is never absolute physical ability which someone suggests real qualification of a real sport. However, baseball is one of the most popular sport in the world. Most valuable baseball players get the highest annual among all of players involving other sports(soccer, football and ,etc.) Even E-sport players have been evaluated indifferently as compared with other famous players. E-sport is already considered as a real sports by except few people which disagree with this resolution.

   E-sport has qualification of sport undeniably. E-sport have widened their position as sport in the world. I convince that the e-sport considered as a sport by all of people and develop as a representative sport in next generation in that it can solve problems of other sports in that it is free from restriction of time and space. E-sports have a roseate future, if people acknowledge its position and support it. Thus, I argue that E-sport should be considered as a real sport.

WEEK12 Feedback

Week 12 Objectives
1. Read the grading update about plagiarism.

2. Check your first draft grade (If it's ready) and feedback from me and Agnes T. We will finish grading your first drafts by Friday. Check these lists for your grades.
Sam Teacher's classes
Agnes Teacher's classes
DON'T CHANGE YOUR FIRST DRAFT! Make changes in your second draft.

3. Check out your Grammarly reports. Kim Jinyoung T has been very kind and used a program called Grammarly to assess your first drafts. Please find your essay and look at the revisions. Remember, Grammarly is a robot, not a human, so it will make mistakes. If you think Grammarly is wrong, it probably is wrong.
Sam Teacher's Grammarly reports
Agnes Teacher's Grammarly reports

4. Finish your self evaluation.

5. Read this post about common problems.

6. Read an example of an AWESOME first draft (The confirmation does not have enough research, but it's still a great start).

7. Start your second draft. Continue researching and writing research posts to improve your research grade.

(Optional) We will do peer review after the second draft, but if you like, feel free to get input from peers now. It is always useful.

As I read your first drafts, I am noticing some common problems. Look at this list and see if these things apply to you.

1.
PLAGIARISM -
Some of you are plagiarising a little, some of you are plagiarizing A LOT. It doesn't matter if it is a lot or a little, it is a serious problem. Please start citing your sources appropriately. Your first draft is not penalized for plagiarism. In your second draft, if you plagiarize one point will be subtracted. If you plagiarize in your final draft, you will receive 0 points for the final draft.

Here are some resources to avoid plagiarism

What is plagiarism?
How to avoid plagiarism

2.
Follow the format of the classical argument. There are five parts. There is not a fixed number of paragraphs. Please review the blog posts about each part to make sure you are familiar with them and using them correctly.

3.
Thesis must be PERSUASIVE. A thesis like, "Crime is bad" is technically a thesis, but it's not a very good thesis because no one will argue with you, and it is not interesting. Everyone already agrees, or no one cares. A thesis like, "Crime is bad, but we must ensure the dignity of criminals while they are being punished," is interesting and debatable. Make sure your thesis is strong, or your whole essay will be weak.

week11 Self Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:
-I want to give 1 points to me because my essay is not perfect and needs many correction .


2) What did you do well?
- I couldn't get good research however, I think that I suggested good examples and reasons.

3) What could you have done better?
- I think I am not good at collecting informations to support my opinion but I think Suggesting my opinion and reasons strongly is my best point.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?
I think confirmation is best because confirmation is similar body paragraph which I have written for a long time. Thus I could write confirmation easily than other part of my essay.


5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?
I think narration is the most poor part because I had never experienced it when I wrote. Thus I can't write it naturally. It was difficult in that I can't write as my thought.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?
- My strategy to make my second draft better than first is supplementation of the weak poin in first draft. I think that my weak point is narration. I will find many other examples and write better. I also supplement my strong point such as confirmation. Thus I will make my second drafte balanced.

week10 summation

  E-sport has qualification of sport undeniably. E-sport have widen their position as sport in the world. I convince that e-sport considered as a sport by all of people and develop as a represantative sport in next generation in that it can solve problems of other sports in that it is free from restriction of time and space. E-sports have roseate future, if people acknowledge its position and support it. Thus I argue that E-sprot should be considered as a real sport.

week9 Refutation and Concession

  Although most people begin regarding e-sport as a real sport, there are still some people who discuss that it is not sport. As I told, this discussion has lots of logical flaw. Though e-sport has qualification of sport, they seem to be people who can't understand this logic. Thus, I would show some examples. At first, Shooting is sport which is formal subject of Olympic although it has many something in common to e-sport. This sports require deft finger and high concentration. Actually there are many sport which require this physical ability. Baseball is similar sport in that they require not direct physical contaction, but ability of pitching and hitting. Pitching and hitting is never absolute physical ability which someone suggests real qualificaiton of real sport. However, baseball is one of the most popular sport in the world. Most valuable baseball players get the highest annual among all of players involving other sport(soccer,football and etc). Even E-sport players have been evaluated indifferently as compared with other famous players. E-sport is already considered as a real sports by except few people which disagree with this resolution.

week8 confirmation

E-sport should be considered as a real sport.

  First, E-sport is a virtual sport.
Some people define sport as a competition which divide victory or defeat by physical ability so they argue that e-sport is not real sport. However, e-sport is virtual sport which contain physical thing such as sight,insight and concentration). Among people, Sports have been turned into game like screen golf beacuse modern people can't play sports under constraints of space. However, by participating in e-sports, we can play sport indirectly. It can do a role of sport for modern people. Even, they would prefer e-sport than real sport. E-sport is virtual sport which can be enough to play a role of sports.
  Second, E-sport needs physical ability.
Some people say that sport have to contain physical competition and e-sport is not sufficient in this condition. However, e-sport is essential physical ability such as deft finger, accurate judgement, and high concentration. To be good at e-sport, players have to have these ability. E-sport is just not necessary physical contaction to opponent. E-sport is also physical competition.Although shooting is not necessary physical contaction to opponent, shooting is a formal subject of Olympic which means world sports festival. In my opinion, between e-sport and shooting, there isn't difference in that these also divide victory or defeat through deft finger and high concentration.
  Third, E-sport is already organized through formal worldwide institution.
Some people say that qualification of sport is stable represantative institution which can manage the sport for players. However, E-sport is already have stable worldwide represantative institution which have branches from Asia to Europe. There are already festival which aim to people around the world. But then, there are sports which don't have stable association, although these particiapte in Olympic.
A lot of sports shrink into comparative insignificance to e-sport. E-sport is more suitable to called nice sport than other sports. Like this, E-sport has qualifications of being sport. For these reasons, E-sport shoulde be considered as a real sport.